When your relationship is on the verge of collapse, you can sense it. There is tension, negative energy, and sometimes fighting.
What can you do if you are facing a situation where your relationship is falling apart? The first is to think about your partner and your union.
Do you care deeply for them? Do you have mutual understanding and commitment? If you and your partner would genuinely like to rebuild your relationship, here are some tips for what you can do.
1. Don’t Make Decisions When you are Emotional
When faced with severe problems like cheating, a return of addiction, or other dysfunction, many couples give up and break up. But the reality is, there are no perfect people and situations. If there is the willingness on both sides, working through the problem can be extremely rewarding. It can strengthen the relationship.
When problems arise within the relationship, both parties are involved. When you have worked at your responsibility, and honestly, there is nothing else you can do, maybe it is time to go. But there is a risk if you change for a new partner before you have overcome your dysfunctional patterns. Chances are they will appear again in your next relationship.
This is why therapists do not advise rash decisions. Take your time and see through the appearances to the core of the issue.
2. Be Honest
You need to understand that you cannot fix your relationship all alone. This is the job of both of you. Make this clear to your partner and speak up about your worries and observations in a non-judgmental manner.
Be honest in expressing your feelings and what you see as behavior that you think is not contributing to the well-being of both of you. Make them understand that this is serious and the future of your relationship is at stake. But don’t threaten them or get overly emotional. Be kind, honest, and determined to make all that it takes to save your relationship.
3. Therapy for Couples
If a couple seeks to reestablish their connection, it is smart to seek an experienced counselor. When a pair of expert eyes looks at your situation, it can help a great deal. Sometimes they can notice a common thread or pitfall, and they can show you the way.
If your partner resists going to therapy together, you can go alone. You can get tremendous insights into the situation you face that will give you cues for the following steps.
4. Understand Your Part of the Problem
One of the biggest hindrances in healing your relationships is thinking you are right and your partner is wrong. As it is a game of two, both are doing their part in contributing to the dynamic.
Have an introspective session. Ask yourself how your energy, words, and actions are contributing to the problematic situation.
This will allow you to recognize unconscious patterns you may have adopted from your own family or in early childhood.
If the issue is based on a difference between the two of you, you must recognize that you have this difference. You must reach an agreement respectfully. Determine how to honor your different views and lifestyle preferences to achieve a level of well-being.
5. Do Your Inner Work
Once you have recognized your contribution to the dysfunction of your relationship, it is time to heal. Recognizing is not enough. It will help if you heal from the mechanisms and patterns destroying your relationships. This is not an easy task because these are a habit. They are deeply imbued in our psyche as models of thinking and behaving in specific ways that are not optimal.
Before you judge your partner for your feelings and experiences, taking the time to heal is the best thing you can do. This way, you will approach the situation more lovingly and compassionately.
6. Be Present and Recognize Their Pain
It is a common pitfall to think only you are having a hard time and experiencing pain and frustration. A lot of insight comes from shifting the focus and trying to see things from your partner’s perspective. What is their struggle? What is their experience? How can you show up for them so that they can feel your love and presence?
This takes the tension out of the communication and can save you a lot of unproductive fights.
You are not in a power struggle. You are a team. The key is not to win a fight or prove right. You need to heal the relationship with mutual understanding and love. You do not need to establish “winners” and “losers” as it will further divide you.
7. Reflect on the Good Things that Bind You
Stop focusing on the wrong or negative aspects and think about the reasons to stay together. Reflect on your good memories and experiences. All the joy, happiness, inspiration, and adventure you have been through together.
Try to bring lightness and fun in the conversations, and instead of dwell on heavy arguments in the past.
When you connect to the energy of love that binds you together, you can establish a new and better ground for rebuilding your relationship.
8. Try Sex Toys
This has helped countless of couples get on the right track. It’s because it provides a distraction from the problems. Do something new in the bedroom, anything. Visit a new destination together, or at least a new restaurant. If traveling isn’t your thing and things have been underwhelming in the bedroom lately, get a third to join.
Not a third person, of course – that spells disaster for a relationship that’s already struggling – but a toy. Vibrators and dildos made of skin like material will make you feel great and might even bring the spark back.
Getting together is easy; staying together isn’t
Getting together is easy. It requires no effort, but staying together sometimes means hard work and dedication. It takes effort to navigate the tumultuous waters of a relationship. If you both are committed to growing together and do the inner work with understanding, compassion, and care, the rewards can be gratifying.